So, I've been having a few 'can't wait' moments lately. I usually don't, but I have been recently. Sometimes I just can't wait to be teaching again. I honestly feel like teaching kids is what God put me on this earth to do. I know, I know I teach my kids everyday at home, but it's not the same as having a classroom full of 6th graders and daring them to touch the worms (even though I would NEVER do that). ;) It's not the same as walking them down the hall in a line as I walk backwards without missing a step (okay maybe sometimes I do). It's not the same as going out to recess and blowing a whistle when I need everyone's attention on me. As many similarities as staying at home with my kids has with being a teacher it's just not the same and I miss it. I miss it a lot.
I feel bad when I think this way, but then I think, that's awesome! That means getting a teaching degree was a great way to spend all my student loans. (Ahhh) But seriously, at least I know I have found what I truly love doing. But right now I know God has called me to stay at home with my babies and that is okay. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing 'more', but I do realize that in reality I am doing more for my family right now by staying at home with my littles. I do have to reign myself in when I get these great ideas for my future classroom, because it's gonna be awhile.
This whole 'stay-at-home-mom' thing kinda took me by surprise. I mean I have always known I've wanted to stay home with my children, but I didn't realize how hard it would be to give up my dreams of being a teacher as well. I didn't know I would get jealous when I see pictures of my friends classrooms all ready for a new school year. It has been very humbling for me to put that off for awhile and to stay home during this time in my life. I know my babies won't be babies long and I don't want to miss a second of it.
Most of all I know it's my responsibility to teach them about God. Not the 'rules and regulations' of God, but actually ABOUT God. To see Him in nature, to see Him in a song, to see Him in the eyes of their siblings, to see Him in the eyes of the homeless. To literally teach them that God is all around us and we must open our eyes to see the massive love He has for all of us. To teach them that God is love, because if I miss that early on it will be much harder when their hearts aren't so tender.
Ashley
PS-- I have a lot of friends who have children and teach so please don't take my thoughts the wrong way. That's what is best for your family and I'm so proud of you.
