Merry Christmas

I don't celebrate Christmas as Christ's birth. There I said it, there's my confession for the day. I honestly always feel bad when I say this because I think people think of me as 'less' religious, but if you know me I don't do things to 'go with the flow'.

My family never has celebrated Christmas as the birth of Christ and I always knew why, because the Bible doesn't say the day He was born and that's okay. But that's not what this post is about. It's not to argue why I don't celebrate it, it's to explain why I think it's an amazing time to share the gospel.

As I've gotten older I have seen the amazing opportunity that this time of year gives us who are trying to reach others all year round, but their hearts just aren't open. Well, guess what, their hearts are more prone to being open for Jesus around this time of year and I think a lot of us miss this great opportunity by making sure others know we don't think Jesus was born on Christmas day.

I've heard people talk to strangers about Christmas while out at store or at the mall, but when Christ is mentioned they always go straight to 'well I don't believe He was born on Christmas.' The door was open, the harvest was white, but we shut everything down because we inserted our personal agenda of making sure they know you don't celebrate Christmas for that reason. Does it really matter?? Can you bring that little tidbit of info in after you've had a great conversation about Christ? After all they brought Him up, whether it was about His 'birthday' or not isn't relevant.  Start telling them how big of a blessing He is to you each and every day of the year.  Tell them that you're so grateful that His love covers a multitude of your shortcomings. Show them how excited you are about Jesus instead of trying to defend yourself straight away. There will be time for that later. Your job is just to bring them to Jesus, teach them more about His life, and more importantly about His resurrection into new life.

I understand we all want to defend ourselves and some might even think they're defending Christ, but I think He would be happier if you were able to lead someone to His fullness instead of just His birth because you didn't put a huge stop sign up at the beginning of your conversation.

"I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields. They are ripe for harvest." John 4:35b

Let's take this blessed time of year when people's hearts are more prone to talk about Jesus to actually talk about Him while they're ready. Don't let a silly roadblock get in your way.

Ashley

P.S.- If you're wondering why I don't celebrate Christmas for Christ's birth I'll be glad to give you my reasons, it just wasn't my main point in this article.  :)

That Moment Is Here

I've been thinking about this moment for awhile. The moment when I let go of my first precious one and send him off into the world. Of course it's not forever. It's only for a few hours; 6 hours and 25 mins to be exact.

I've kept him as long as his exuberant spirit would let me. Adasen is made to be around others. For things like saying hi to random people walking by. Things like asking random people if they're okay because they coughed. Things like holding the door open for the next twenty people after me. These are the things Adasen is made for.

I've prepped him, guided him, corrected him, punished him, encouraged him, held him, and tried to teach him the best I could. Will he be ready for every situation that arises at school? No. Will he always be polite and kind? Probably not, but I hope he always remembers that there is someone waiting at home to give him a huge hug and smooch no matter what the day has brought him. I hope he knows that his God is always with him and he shouldn't be scared.

Some of his innocence will be shaved away as he enters 'the real world'. Some of his soft spots will be hardened, but we all must go through this process. Finding our way in this world will a lot of help from the people around us.

I keep thinking that maybe I should have continued homeschooling him. Maybe he's not ready yet. Maybe I haven't taught him the key things he needs to know. Maybe I haven't given him enough smooches or told him I love him enough. But you know what else I keep remembering? Psalm 127: 3-5, "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in ones youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their components in court."

Children aren't something to keep to ourselves. Are arrows meant to be kept in the quiver? No, arrows are meant for shooting out, away from us for their intended purpose.  We as parents all make our own decision on when we 'shoot them out' and sometimes we might change our minds and decide homeschooling is the best option for us. Our family is going into this school year openmindedly. I pray every night that this is the right decision for Adasen. He's not old enough to make his own decision about this, it's up to us. For me it's been a very weighted decision and honestly I'm still not quite sure what the right answer is.

For now I'm shooting my outgoing little arrow into this world. He'll still come back to me every night. He might have changed a bit but he'll still be mine. One day he'll leave for good and I hope that all the decisions that Zach and I have made for him will have been for his betterment.  I pray that he has been blessed by the experiences that we have chosen for him.

Be blessed my shooting star, be blessed.

Ashley

I Can't Wait

So, I've been having a few 'can't wait' moments lately. I usually don't, but I have been recently. Sometimes I just can't wait to be teaching again. I honestly feel like teaching kids is what God put me on this earth to do. I know, I know I teach my kids everyday at home, but it's not the same as having a classroom full of 6th graders and daring them to touch the worms (even though I would NEVER do that). ;) It's not the same as walking them down the hall in a line as I walk backwards without missing a step (okay maybe sometimes I do). It's not the same as going out to recess and blowing a whistle when I need everyone's attention on me. As many similarities as staying at home with my kids has with being a teacher it's just not the same and I miss it. I miss it a lot.

I feel bad when I think this way, but then I think, that's awesome! That means getting a teaching degree was a great way to spend all my student loans. (Ahhh) But seriously, at least I know I have found what I truly love doing. But right now I know God has called me to stay at home with my babies and that is okay. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing 'more', but I do realize that in reality I am doing more for my family right now by staying at home with my littles. I do have to reign myself in when I get these great ideas for my future classroom, because it's gonna be awhile.

This whole 'stay-at-home-mom' thing kinda took me by surprise. I mean I have always known I've wanted to stay home with my children, but I didn't realize how hard it would be to give up my dreams of being a teacher as well. I didn't know I would get jealous when I see pictures of my friends classrooms all ready for a new school year. It has been very humbling for me to put that off for awhile and to stay home during this time in my life. I know my babies won't be babies long and I don't want to miss a second of it.

Most of all I know it's my responsibility to teach them about God. Not the 'rules and regulations' of God, but actually ABOUT God. To see Him in nature,  to see Him in a song, to see Him in the eyes of their siblings, to see Him in the eyes of the homeless. To literally teach them that God is all around us and we must open our eyes to see the massive love He has for all of us. To teach them that God is love, because if I miss that early on it will be much harder when their hearts aren't so tender.

Ashley

PS-- I have a lot of friends who have children and teach so please don't take my thoughts the wrong way. That's what is best for your family and I'm so proud of you.

I'm A Bad Parent

How many times have you thought,  "I'm a bad parent." I've thought it a lot. I'm constantly critiquing myself in all that I do, so obviously it has carried over into parenting as well. I think this is healthy; to step back and make sure you're doing things right or maybe realize you need to work on certain areas of your parenting.

These last two weeks have been monstrous to say the least. I mean I really don't like to complain, but I felt at times like I didn't know how I could possibly make it to bedtime. I was terribly sick (ear infection, sinus infection, and strep throat) and I had three kids to keep alive and happy, all while my husband was out to sea. On top of my sickness my 6 month old decided she would wake up every two hours, every.single.night. There were many days when I thought, "I am a bad parent."

I just made my kids watch TV all day so that I could be still, I'm a bad parent. We had baked potatoes for 3 nights in a row, I'm a bad parent. The boys had ramen noodles more often this week than they usually do in 2 months, I'm a bad parent. I yelled at Owen because he just keeps yelling and it makes every ounce of me hurt, I'm a bad parent. I made Adasen sit on the floor in my room and play with Opal while I tried to get a bit more sleep with a pillow over my head, I'm a bad parent. 

With each of these moments and many, many more I just felt defeated as a mom. Like I just wasn't up to par, but you know what I realized? That's completely okay, because His grace is sufficient for me. Even in my parenting abilities His grace is sufficient for me.

"For He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I realized that for everything I was feeling bad about there was something good I had done also. I still let Owen help 'make' dinner by washing off the potatoes,  because he loves to help me. I still let the boys jump out of the tub when I put their Spiderman towel on them, because they think it's the most fun thing ever. I still read Owen the book he wanted me to read three times,  even though my throat was killing me. I still sat and rocked my baby girl and sang to her at 3 am even though I felt like I couldn't keep my eyes open a second longer. For everything that I thought I was doing so badly there was still something good that I was doing too. And that's all because His grace is sufficient for me.

Even though I have my bad mom moments He gives me the grace to pick that up and start over. He let's me try again and again, because He is so merciful. 

If you're struggling with the thought that your a bad parent just remember,  His grace is sufficient for all of us. Maybe you didn't have your best parenting day, but you know what, dust yourself off and think of the good things you have done today. And for all those bad moments, His grace has got you covered,  just try to do better next time. He still loves you and so do your babies.

Ashley

I Didn't Pray For Rain

Adasen said the sweetest thing the other day. When it started to rain he said, "But, Mommy, I didn't pray for rain." Isn't that great! Almost profound if you think about for a minute.

We've been working on what praying really is. We've said that thanking God, praising God, and asking God are all parts of a prayer. He usually asks God to bring Daddy back soon, but sometimes he prays for rain. Well, I guess this particular day he didn't ask for rain. So why was it raining? Right now in his childlike mind his connection to his God is so great. It's basically like a direct connection to everything else in his life. His God is in control of everything. He can ask his God for anything and He will fix it right away.

Wouldn't it be great if that is how we all felt all the time, throughout our entire lives?! Acting like we have a direct connection to the One Most High.

Most of the time I find myself limiting God. I decide what I should pray about and what I shouldn't. I decide that certain things are just bound to happen so there's no use in praying about them. I'm limiting my faith in my relationship with God.  Can I not trust Him with everything?  Am I afraid that if it doesn't work out the way I want it I'll blame Him?

God knows everything about me, so why am I limiting His power in my life? He knows that I can't sleep at night while Zach's away from me. He sees me lying awake while the worry lays hard on my chest. He sees when the panic arises in me and I can't seem to catch my breath. He sees every tear I cry in the shower each night.  For He has "...taken account of my wanderings, put my tears in Your bottle, are they not in Your book?" Psalm 56:8

God knows all, so why can I not give Him all. I need to strive daily to have a direct line to God like Adasen has. When I see things happening around me I need to attribute them directly to God. He answers my prayers daily so I need to keep my eyes open and watch for His greatness and I need to start praying fervently to Him. Giving Him my everything, even the things I can't quite put my finger on yet. I need to give Him all my fears and anxieties, all my loneliness and grief, even though I feel like these will never be healed. When I give all of this to Him that is when He can start fixing me His way, not mine. I need to stop deciding what my God can and cannot do and then maybe I'll be able to say, "I didn't pray for this." But I'll have whatever it is that I needed because I asked and so it was given.

Ashley

You Make Everything Harder

As a Mom I've always tried to be kind and loving, but at the same time stern and straightforward.  I'm upfront with my kids and they know the reason why we don't do certain things. I don't like to sugar coat things. That's in my personality I guess. I'm never crude, but if they ask where the babies gonna come out of I tell them. I don't say from the belly button, in other words. So I hardly ever regret what I say to them, but I said something this week that I do regret.

With Zach being gone it creates a 'mommy needs more help' atmosphere and Adasen is usually the one that I ask these things of. This particular underway (that's what it's called when Zach's ship is out) Adasen has been telling me no when I would ask him for help. At first I was flabbergasted.  Adasen, tell me no?! He's always been so helpful.  Well, he's changing now and he's finding out that he's his own person.  He's finding out that he controls his actions. 

In the midst of one of these conversations I found myself saying,"You're not supposed to be making things harder for me, Adasen." When it came out I didn't think much about it, but as I reflected on it later I thought that it didn't make much sense and it was kinda rude.

Is he here to make things harder? Well, yes. I chose to have a child, so my life grew a bit harder. Then I chose to have more children and again it grew a bit harder.  I'm here to train these children. I'm here to train them to help make other peoples lives easier. Does that make my life easier? Maybe one day, but not yet.

Parenting is a challenge, especially if you care about how you're doing.  I want to raise my kids to be helpers. I want to raise them to seek out others that they can help. But as we're getting to that point I don't need to blame them for making my life 'harder'.

Adasen probably won't think twice about what I said, but I'm glad I thought about this now. In the future I'm going to say it in a different way. "Could you please help make this easier for Mommy while Daddy's gone?" He didn't choose this family. He didn't choose to have siblings or to have a Dad that's in the Navy, so it's not his fault that things are harder for Mommy. He can, however, learn how to be helpful and how to make things easier. I don't ever want him thinking that he's a burden. Does he make things more complicated, of course... but he's not a burden, he's my baby boy.

As he grows into his own person I need to step back and remember that my words affect what he's thinking. They affect what he's thinking about himself and about others. I want him to have a positive outlook about himself and a go-getter mentality, not the feeling of being a burden.

So, I'll leave you with a verse that's been on my mind constantly since that day. Proverbs 15:1 "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Ashley