As a Mom I've always tried to be kind and loving, but at the same time stern and straightforward. I'm upfront with my kids and they know the reason why we don't do certain things. I don't like to sugar coat things. That's in my personality I guess. I'm never crude, but if they ask where the babies gonna come out of I tell them. I don't say from the belly button, in other words. So I hardly ever regret what I say to them, but I said something this week that I do regret.
With Zach being gone it creates a 'mommy needs more help' atmosphere and Adasen is usually the one that I ask these things of. This particular underway (that's what it's called when Zach's ship is out) Adasen has been telling me no when I would ask him for help. At first I was flabbergasted. Adasen, tell me no?! He's always been so helpful. Well, he's changing now and he's finding out that he's his own person. He's finding out that he controls his actions.
In the midst of one of these conversations I found myself saying,"You're not supposed to be making things harder for me, Adasen." When it came out I didn't think much about it, but as I reflected on it later I thought that it didn't make much sense and it was kinda rude.
Is he here to make things harder? Well, yes. I chose to have a child, so my life grew a bit harder. Then I chose to have more children and again it grew a bit harder. I'm here to train these children. I'm here to train them to help make other peoples lives easier. Does that make my life easier? Maybe one day, but not yet.
Parenting is a challenge, especially if you care about how you're doing. I want to raise my kids to be helpers. I want to raise them to seek out others that they can help. But as we're getting to that point I don't need to blame them for making my life 'harder'.
Adasen probably won't think twice about what I said, but I'm glad I thought about this now. In the future I'm going to say it in a different way. "Could you please help make this easier for Mommy while Daddy's gone?" He didn't choose this family. He didn't choose to have siblings or to have a Dad that's in the Navy, so it's not his fault that things are harder for Mommy. He can, however, learn how to be helpful and how to make things easier. I don't ever want him thinking that he's a burden. Does he make things more complicated, of course... but he's not a burden, he's my baby boy.
As he grows into his own person I need to step back and remember that my words affect what he's thinking. They affect what he's thinking about himself and about others. I want him to have a positive outlook about himself and a go-getter mentality, not the feeling of being a burden.
So, I'll leave you with a verse that's been on my mind constantly since that day. Proverbs 15:1 "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Ashley
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