New Year, New You?

New year, new you. This is a slogan we hear so often around this time of year, but do you really want a new you??

I most certainly do not want a new me. I don't want to have to start over and learn the lessons that have taken me years to finally understand. I do not want to wipe the slate clean on my life thus far a start fresh. I like the scars I have from the storms I've been through. A better me? Now that's what I want to work on.

Each year we start of with goals that quickly fade because we stop doing the work that it takes to get to the final destination. At the close of this year I want to share my spiritual goals with you and invite you to join in with making similar ones. These aren't my only spiritual goals but I thought they would help someone else know where to start.

The overall goal is to always grow closer to God. But what steps do we take to achieve this goal? One valid step would be to look at the examples He gave us through His inspired word and take from that the way we should be leading our daily lives.

This year I'm looking in Proverbs 31 for my inspiration. I know, I know, go big or go home. But seriously shouldn't we all as women be striving to be like the 'worthy woman'. I know I sure hope to be at least somewhat like this woman described when I reach Heaven's gates.

So let's read what He has to say about this kind of woman.

"An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight.

She is like merchant ships, she brings her food from afar.

She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens.

She considers a field and buys it.

From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She girds herself with strength

And makes her arms strong.

She senses that her gain is good.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

She stretches out her hands to the distaff  and her hands grasp the spindle.

She extends her hand to the poor and stretches out her to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household,

For her household are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for herself, her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them

And supplies belts to the tradesmen.

Strength and dignity are her clothing

And she smiles at the future.

She opens her mouth in wisdom

And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and bless her, her husband also and he praises er saying, "Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all." Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31:10-31

Now, you might be thinking why in the world is it typed out so funny, but I actually did that on purpose. I want each of us to be able to find the different qualities of this woman so we can choose one or two to work on this year.

I find the first quality I want to work on this year in verse 18, "Her lamp does not go out at night." To me this is saying she has planned ahead and if she needs to fire up the lamp during the night because one of the kids is sick then she will be able to because she has enough oil on hand just in case. She doesn't just have the bare minimum, she has a little bit extra just in case so that her family won't be without.

This has always been a struggle for me. We live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes to a few days before paycheck. God has always provide what we've needed so I haven't ever really cared about this fact, but while I was reading this over I thought, you know I should have some oil left just in case something happens. Now does that mean I'm going to stop giving to people, absolutely not but it means I'm going to cut something out  and watch my own spending habits to make sure that I can have a little oil tucked away.

The second trait I want to focus on this year is in verse 26, "she opens her mouth in wisdom."  In the NIV it continues, "and faithful instruction is on her tongue." I want to make sure that what I'm telling others when giving advice or raising my children in general is faithful. Am I following God's plan for us? Am I telling them what God would want me to say? Am I living Him out through my words? I want to make sure that I can match up the words that I'm saying with the faithful instruction He has given us in the Bible.

When reading the passage but the virtuous woman it seems overwhelming. We think there's no way I could ever be half of what this woman is. But if we look at it in chunks and narrow in on specific qualities we actually have a chance at improving ourselves to be more like her.

Read the passage again and think truthfully  with yourself on what areas you are already good at. That doesn't mean you've perfected that quality but you can tell that trait is in you. Then find the traits that you think you could use some help with. Choose one or two of these traits that you need to work on and write them down as your goal for this next year. Focus on these two traits in the next year and becoming that woman over our lifetime won't be so daunting.

Let's work on this together. If you need help thinking of actual steps to reach your goal let me know and I can help you think of some practical ways of becoming better at these specific traits.

God bless you and keep you in this new year.

Ashley

Live Like You're Going Home Tomorrow

I'm going home tomorrow. No, I'm not actually traveling anywhere tomorrow, but I will finally be home.

Since the moment Zach and I met home hasn't been a place it's been a person. As long as we're together we're home. When one of us is missing the equation just doesn't add up right. And it hasn't added up right for either of us since the beginning of March, but every day I've been living like homecoming was tomorrow.

Living like I'm going home tomorrow hasn't been easy, in fact it's been rather exhausting. Doing this has made each day of deployment go by a bit faster though. Doing this made me not give up or give in to my anxieties. Doing this helped me to push myself to get the normal things done even though I'm all alone. Doing this helped me realize how blessed I am to have a husband who is my best friend.

The house has stayed clean, the dishes have stayed washed, the clothes have been cleaned but everything is prefect and it still isn't even though he's coming home.  There is still mail on the desk,  there are still projects in the garage that need to be finished, there are still clothes in the laundry baskets, but still I'm ready to go home tomorrow.

As I was thinking about the past 9 months today, I realized that my living like homecoming is tomorrow parallels with my relationship with God and my eagerness to go to my ultimate home Heaven.

I need to live every day like I'm going home to heaven tomorrow.  How much more good would I do? How many more people would I talk to about Christ? How many more dollars would I give to the poor?  How excited would I be every day if I knew I would be in Heaven the next day?

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelations 21:4

Doesn't that sound amazing?! No more pain, no more crying, no more death. I want to be there so badly and I can't wait to see God face to face. I have felt Him all around me throughout this deployment and there's no way I would have made it if He wasn't there pushing me forward when I needed a nudge.

So, I just ask you, what if you were going home tomorrow?  Are you ready? Is your house in order? Have you been living for Him? Have you been shining your light so that others can see their way in the darkness? Are you living for today and not for 10 years down the road.

Enjoy where you are right now, right here in each and every day. Don't wait to be happy tomorrow. Don't wait to do good for others. Live like tomorrow you will be going home and you will always make it through the day, even if there's some dishes still in the kitchen sink. That's what God's grace is for.

Ashley

Best Day Yet

Oh, today was good, today was great, today was outstanding. 

Nothing huge happened in MY life, but something happened today that my neighbor has been yearning for since the day her husband deployed with Zach's ship; her husband came home. Unharmed, all in one piece, and so very happy to be with her again. I know for a fact that this was the best day she's had so far this year. I know this because it was the best day I've had this year too.

For the last 8 months we've been dealing with the same emotions,  the same worries, the same complications,  the same 'workload' (3 kids), the same anger, the same frustrations,  the same tiredness; but today, today she was set free from all of those things that have been weighing us down this year.

Some might say, aren't you jealous? Don't you want your husband back right now too? And the answer to those questions are no and yes.

It seems like the humanly thing to do is to feel jealous,  but I don't.  I even thought I might when I saw him for the first time, but quite the opposite happened.

I heard her car pull up and I knew she'd been at the airport so I peeked out and there he was getting out of the car. I literally had to sit down because I was so overcome with happiness and relief that he was okay and he was home with her finally after all her sleepless nights. I sat down and started crying, but it wasn't a sad cry it was a relieving cry, a joyous cry. It was like a little ray of sunshine that I haven't seen in 8 months suddenly burst through. My soul literally felt like it got dusted off and I felt happier instantly.

And then later when I was out raking the yard I could hear his little girls screeching with joy, "Daddy!" Oh, it made me smile each time. The joy in their voices was just so amazing and you could just hear how much they love him and how much they have missed him and how excited they were for him to just be in their backyard again. And I thought, "you know this sounds like why I have a rejoicing heart today."

When Zach left I cried out to my Father, I told Him that I knew I couldn't do this on my own. And I rejoiced that I had a Father in my backyard to cry out to. It was me and Him and I knew we could do anything.

Putting my complete 100% trust in God was the best thing I've ever done. I would have never made it this far without Zach, without Him. And because of my trust in Him, He allows me to have joy for others when it seems humanly acceptable to be jealous. God has softened my heart and given me joy daily throughout this year. Through His love and comfort I can rejoice with those who rejoice.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him." Psalm 28:7

My heart greatly rejoiceth not just for myself but for those I love around me. God can set you free from the humanly "normals" that everyone expects. He can give you joy that you yourself don't even understand. Reach out to Him and He will give you a rejoicing heart. Surrender to His will and know the peace that only He can give.

Today was the best day yet and I can't wait for many more joy-filled days this year.

Ashley

P.S.- She does not know that I was 'spying' on her when they pulled up, BUT she is one of my bestest friends so I'm sure she wouldn't mind. 😂😂 :)

School Time Blues

We all have our Facebooks and Instagrams covered with back to school pictures of our friends and family and I love it.  I love seeing the kids excited faces and their eagerness to learn new things.  As a teacher I know this doesn't last all school year but at the beginning of the year the kids are always excited for new adventures.  With all the happiness I see in all these pictures it also brings up fears in my mind.  Am I doing the right thing?

 Some of the pictures are public school pictures, some private school pictures with their cute uniforms, or homeschool pictures.  This is my 3rd year having to make the final decision for my children on what is next for them in their education and it's scary. 

The first year it was an easy decision; send Adasen to all day preschool, nope.  The next year was the hardest.  Should I send Adasen to school or homeschool him?  And we ended up with public schooling, which I loved that decision for last year (although I was a MESS the first week).  And then we have this year, I've decided to keep him in public school because he really loves it. 

When I first saw the school pictures for this year, my mind started racing again.  "I haven't made the right decision."  "I'm not doing the best thing for him."  "I would love to have him home and teach him."  So many different emotions go through  my head and so many doubts.  But I've finally calmed myself down and talked myself through it and I just wanted to share a few of my thoughts to help other parents who might be feeling overwhelmed by if they are doing the right thing or not.

1. It's the best thing. Whatever you choose is going to be the best thing.  As a parent I don't sit back and let my decision run my life.  I can always decide to change my mind and come to a different conclusion.  If what I choose in the beginning is not working then I will change the environment that he is in.  And no matter what the situation we will always make the best of it.

2. I turned out fine.  I know that sounds cliché, but it's the truth for me.  I went to public school growing up and I'm so glad that my mom didn't choose something else for my life.  I loved going to school and meeting all the people I did.  Some of my favorite memories are from school times. 

3. He will learn.  No matter where Adasen is he will learn.  You know why, because I will make sure that he does.  And if he's not flourishing then I will change his surroundings.

4. He will thrive.  One of the things that I hope to instill in my kids is that you can bloom where you're planted. You can be the best you no matter what the circumstance.  If you want to be better then do better.  My kids know that they have to be actively trying to thrive not just sitting back and let bad things happen.  Adasen will learn new ways to get by on his own and he will learn how to thrive in any situation.

5. He will still learn about God. No matter what God is the center of our lives and there is nothing that could ever change that.  Our home will never change because I send him out into the world.  Our home will always be centered around Christ.  We will still sing together, we will still read together, and I will keep living my life for God and Adasen will see my example.

Let's all stop shaming each other.  Let's stop talking badly about others decisions about their families. Stop assuming the worst about people and assume the best.  Once we all do this together and decide we are all together in raising up a new generation then we will all stop second guessing our decisions and just go with it.   Raise your kids your way and roll with it, but never be unwilling to change your decisions.

Ashley

Rocking Deployment Because of My Rock

People often say that they don't know how I do it. Ya know the, taking care of my kids without going crazy while my hubby's away for 9 months thing, a lot of people are amazed because of me. But you know what? It's not me. I'm not doing it. I'm not the one carrying the load.

I was reading Acts the other night and in chapter 4 I thought Peter's defense for his miraculous actions was a perfect explanation for my actions.

"Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, “Rulers of the people and elders of Israel: If we this day are judged for a good deed done to a helpless man, by what means he has been made well, let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, by Him this man stands here before you whole. This is the ‘stone which was rejected by you builders, which has become the chief cornerstone. Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”  Acts 4:8-12

Peter was defending the healing of a lame man, but I think all of us can take this defense and have it as our explanation to people on how we make it through hard circumstances in our lives. So, here's my defense on how I'm still sane after not having my husband for a long while...

"Let it be known to you all that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth whom God raised from the dead, by Him and Him alone I am making it through deployment. HE is the only reason I can still smile when I wake up in the morning. HE is the only reason I haven't  gone crazy not having my normal circumstances around me. HE will get me through the rest of this year and HE will quiet my soul in my times of stress and anxiety."

Ashley

June Bible Study Day 12

This is our last day and let me just say I've looked forward to the little break from life when I tell my kids, "hold on I'm doing my Bible study." I usually do Bible reading after they go to bed, but I loved how they respected this time each day and maybe they will remember my example when they are older.

Today was, "Give Thanks In Waiting." The scriptures were Romans 8:19-25 and Colossians 3:15-17.  I think verse 17 of Colossians 3 is a great summary of this entire series of lessons. "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."  No matter what our circumstance is at the present time we need to learn to be thankful for each moment that we have.

Giving thanks in waiting is hard, at least for me during this season in my life. My other half and partner in crime is gone and I cannot wait for him to be back home with us sharing in everything that goes on in our family.  I want this time to fly by, but at the same time I don't.  I don't want my babies to be that much older and to have passed so many milestones. I feel like I'm wishing their lives away. I'm learning each day how to find the small things all around me to be thankful for. The small coincidences that add up to a big help, the things I remember just in time before it's too late.  I keep finding some blessings in each and every day. Am I thankful for my husband being away? No. But I can find things that happen each day that I am grateful for? Yes.

Look around and take note of all the things you have to be thankful for. If it doesn't overwhelm you then I suggest you make a list and see the mighty power of God working in your life.

Thank you for all who participated in this study. You all have encouraged me daily, thank you for that.

Much Love,
Ashley

June Bible Study Day 11

Hey All,

Today the study was entitled "Give Thanks In Wandering."  The readings were 2 Chronicles 15:1-4, Jeremiah 29:10-14, Mark 9:24, and Proverbs 25:2.  Mark 9:24 is one of my all time favorite verses.  "Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, 'I believe, help my unbelief!'"  How many times I have said this to God.  I do believe Him, but sometimes I just don't know the whole scope of His capabilities so I don't have enough belief.  I need the creator of everythings help to understand.  I will never understand God completely and that is okay as long as I keep asking Him to help my unbelief.

I also liked verse 2 in 2 Chronicles 15 where it says, "If you seek Him, He will be found by you." As long as we are actively seeking Him, we will find the answers to what we need.  We will know enough to make the right decisions and He will be right there with us.  Like I have said in other posts about this study, we have to be active in our faith and active in being thankful.

My favorite thing the author said today was, "For although we may feel lost, we know He never loses us."  God knows where we are and how we can make it through, so who better to turn to then our ultimate navigator.  He will help us get back to on the road that leads to Him.

What were your thoughts today?

Much Love,
Ashley 

June Bible Study Day 10

Hey all!

Today's study was entitled "Give Thanks In Want". The readings were from Habakkuk 3:17-19, Romans 8: 35-39, 2 Corinthians 4: 7-18. 

I enjoyed reading this one because this is what I have been focusing on doing daily since Zach left. I have been trying to give thanks for my blessings during this time while I'm wanting him to be with me so badly.

For me it's been easiest to look around at others and see how they have it worse. Someone will always have it worse, you just have to look around enough and open your heart to others.  My 'others' are all the women who loose their husbands. Some spouses don't have the hope any longer of seeing their husbands again when they return from deployment.  I also think about the wives whose husband's have violated their marriage while they've been away. They will never have the bond they did before deployment again. This is such a hard road that we're on, but there are still others who have it worse. After you've found someone that has it worse, pray for them.

I've always loved Romans 8: 35-39, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Nothing that could ever happen to us can ever separate us from the love God.

Much Love,
Ashley

June Bible Study Day 9

Hello all!

I've really enjoyed this study and loved her views on it today. Today was entitled "Give Thanks In Plenty", the readings were from Psalm 23, Psalm 105:1-5, 1 Chron. 29:10-13.

Psalm 105:4 really stuck out to me. "Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually."  It shows us that we have to actively seek Him, we have to take time from our busy lives to find Him. How do we find Him? Through prayer, through reading His word, focusing only on Him in silence.

We do focus on the plenty in the physical realm all the time, because that's what we rely on to survive. But the author is right, spiritually we are always in plenty. We don't deserve the grace that we are given once baptized.  We don't deserve any of His blessings and yet He pours them on us daily.

Thank You Lord for Your daily grace of all my shortcomings.

What do you do to seek the Lord?

Much Love, Ashley

June Bible Study Day 8

Today's study is entitled,  "Give Thanks in Sorrow." The readings were Psalm 31:1-24, Psalm 34:18, and Psalm 56:8.

My favorite verse from the readings was verse 24 of Psalm 31,  "Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord."

I love this because first it's a command, be strong.  Even if we don't have anymore strength left we can trust that God will be our strength and hold us up. Second, it shows us that being courageous means taking action.  Even if we don't feel like we have enough courage, we are being courageous by taking that first step and going for it. And I love how it ends the verse with, wait for the Lord. Not wait for your perfect time, not wait until the stars align,  but just wait on the Lord.

I also loved when the author said, "Allow Him to work in your sorrow, friends, even - and especially- when it's muted."

Right now I'm sorrowful about my marriage. Zach and I have had a few bumps but as long as we're together we get through anything. Now we're not together. We can't have a normal conversation,  we can't see each other, and we can't touch each other. I see this as a huge barrier to our marriage growing, or us growing closer together, during this entire year. I see this deployment as a stumbling block for our great marriage and it scares me and if I think about it to long sorrow overtakes me. 

I'm glad she put it the way she did, "Allow Him to work in your sorrow." As I feel sorrowful at times I need to remember that God can still work through me if I allow Him to. If I just hand the sorrow over to Him and say "Here, I don't have an answer so will you please take this from me?" After we hand it over to Him we can shine brighter for Him without anything dulling us down.

What were your thoughts? Have you allowed Him to work through your sorrows?

Much Love,
Ashley

June Bible Study Day 7

Today she posted one verse and suggested that we memorize it. I am going to write it on an index card and put it on my bathroom mirror.  I also made it my home screen on my phone.

The verse is Psalm 9:1 "I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds."

I wanted to look at the verse a bit more in depth,  so here are my thoughts. First, it says 'I will give thanks'; so what we're focusing on is an intended action, I will. Then it says give.  God wants us to focus on giving thanks not receiving it from others. 

Next, it says 'to the Lord'; this is who we should be thankful to, not our good luck or our good timing. We need to be grateful to the maker of all things for all the things in our lives.

Thirdly, 'with my whole heart'. We don't need to thank Him halfheartly. I think this is something that you have to work on when you are troubled. Just remember be thankful for what He has given you and don't include any buts... (but this could be better and that, etc).

And lastly, 'I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.' I think this also showing purposeful action not just thanks in the moment when something happens, but looking back at even a bad situation and finding His wonderful deeds in the dark moments.

Much Love,
Ashley

June Bible Study Day 6

Hey All,

Today's study was "Give Thanks In Injustice".  The readings were from 1 Kings 3:5-28, Micah 6:8, Psalm 7:17, Psalm 9:1-20.  I thought today was rather timely as we see injustice in the news just this week for Christians.  As Christ's body we should always be welcoming and warm to anyone who wants to join our worship or studies.  Homeless, poor, stinky, unkept; none of these things can be seen by the eyes of God.  And yet it's so hard for us to get over these silly things sometimes. 

I can see how after the shooting in South Carolina, churches will be more watchful, more careful, more scared.  But are any of those things right?  I don't think it's wrong to try and keep our congregations safe but I do hope that this doesn't make us question the people walking in our doors for the first time.  This is just what she's talking about today, we must be thankful in the injustice in this world.  I am thankful that those killed were taking time out of their daily lives to go and study God's Word and that they invited someone who wasn't numbered with them into their midst.  Was the outcome good? No.  But I leave you with one thought...

"Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me." Matthew 5:11

Is it hard to be thankful when we are enduring persecution, yes. Very hard, sometimes it will seem like rubbish.  But we are called to give thanks in knowing that we are standing for Him.

Much Love,
Ashley

June Bible Study Day 5

Hey all,

I'm so sorry I am so completely late for today.  I just now had a minute to type out my thoughts.  I read the study earlier with one of my friends and we both loved it. 

Today was "Give Thanks In Stress" and boy did I need that today.  I was picking up my oldest son from school and my middle one decided to fool around, fall and knock one of his teeth completely out and two more are loose.  To say the least it was a bit stressful.  The readings today were Luke 10:38-42, Isaiah 55:1-3, Matthew 11:28-30, and Psalm 23:1-3.

All of these passages are almost etched in my mind because I read them over and over and over while Zach was at bootcamp.  That was the first really stressful time during our entire marriage. I have always loved the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10.  Just think about have Jesus Christ as a guest in your home.  Do you think you would be stressing out over making everything perfect or do you think you would be sitting at our Savior's feet listening to him?  We have got to come to a point in our lives when we understand what matters the most.  Would you rather have your house perfect all the time or would you rather take those teachable moments for your kids and help them to learn more about the heart of God?

I was also thinking about how in Matthew 11:28 Jesus says 'come to him all who are heavy laden'.  Martha was heavy laden, but she didn't come to him to find rest, no she came to him to find help in someone else.  We need to come to Jesus simply for rest, not to ask for other people in this world to help us with our problems.

I loved how the author described her life as noise.  Isn't that the truth?? Sometimes that is all that I can hear. My kids screaming, laughing, fighting, singing, and then there are a million thoughts racing through my brain at the same time.   It is so noisy.  It's hard to break through those moments and say thank you.  I can't even think straight half the time to even utter the words.  But if I look around, calm my thoughts, I can see all the blessings in the noise.  Think about the people who would love to have noise in their house, but they are unable to bear.  What a blessing it is to have our lives full with noise.

Take a moment tomorrow when all you hear is noise and simply thank God for the noise in your life and for the courage to live through it.

Much Love,
Ashley

June Bible Study Day 4

Hey all,

Today's study was "Give Thanks In Certainty".  This title really hit home to me, because since Zach has joined the Navy nothing has been certain.  It's never certain where we'll go, it's never certain how long we'll stay, and by golly it's never certain when his ship will return.  So how do I give thanks when I don't have certainty?  I'm so grateful for her words today because even in my crazy life I do have certainty.  I have certainty that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He never changes, I change.  He will help me through anything, through all the uncertainty in life and that is certain.

The readings today were Hosea 6:3, Job 19:25-26, Isaiah 40:8, Luke 1:37.  I really loved the end of verse 3 in Hosea 6. "...He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." It'll rain, even if there's hardly any it'll rain sometime, that's a sure thing.  It's a certainty that God has placed in our atmosphere. 

Even if you are facing uncertainty in your life right now, find something that is certain to thank God for tonight in your prayer. 

Can't wait to hear your thoughts and stories.

Much Love,
Ashley

June Bible Study Day 3

Today was such a good study for me personally.  It was emotional for me to read through the Job passage because I sent Zach this passage last month when he was discouraged.  I told him what if Satan came to God and personally asked for Zach? I'm here with a church family and my amazing neighbors and friends while he's out there alone and isolated.  I told him he should think of it as a compliment that he was the one put in this situation.  God trusts him to still shine his light for Him.

Anyway, I want to hear your thoughts on today's passages and what she had to say. God will see you through anything.

My challenge for today is to look back on your life so far and think of a challenging situation,  how did God help pull you through?

I can't wait to here your thoughts.
Ashley

https://youtu.be/K_e4QZXJ4nY

June Bible Study Day 2

Hey all!

So today I decided to do a regular blog post about the study.  I know sometimes I have to do all my 'electronic time' while I'm putting the kids to sleep and I can't be listening to something. :o)

Today in our Shereadstruth.com study of "In Everything, Give Thanks" Day 2: Give Thanks In Joy we read Luke 17:11-19 and Psalm 30:1-12.

One part of the reading really stood out to me today.  Psalm 30:3 "You restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit."  How many times have we gotten in with a couple of not so right people?  I'm saying they aren't good people, but are they right for you to have so close to you?  Are you talking about Christ while you're with them?  Are you encouraging each other in Christ?  Think about your close friendships and who you are always with, make sure these people will help you and your family draw closer to God and give thanks for the ones in your life that you have that help you along our journey to Heaven.

"I shall never be moved," also stood out to me in verse 6 of Psalm 30. How many times have we said this and then weeks later we are doubting once again.  Let's give thanks in the small things so we can learn to be truly grateful for all that we have in our lives.

Sometimes it is not hard to find joy in the joyful times, but sometimes we forget to stop and say thank you for this joyful season in my life.  My challenge for you for tomorrow is to say an entire prayer to God that is all thankfulness.  Thank God for all the good in your life and for the situations that will make you stronger for Him.

Can't wait to hear your thoughts.
Ashley

June Bible Study Day 1

Hey Guys!

I'm starting a 13 day Bible study today.  Here is my post about Day 1.

You can find the study at SheReadsTruth.com under "In Everything, Give Thanks."  

Thank for wanting to study God's word with me. I want to be able to be lifted up by each of you.

https://youtu.be/3pypEW9YVjk

Heavy

This dog tag I'm wearing gets heavier everyday. I never thought I'd be one to wear dog tags but the night before Zach left on his ship for the first time he laid it on my nightstand.  He kisses it each time he's leaves, so I can "kiss him" anytime I want.

I've never had it on this long though. He's never been out to sea for this long before. We've been apart for this long but nothing compares to him being across the world in a dangerous location.

Everyone says it must be so hard to deal with the kids all alone, and it is, it's exhausting; but that's not the hardest part. The hardest part are the mind games that deployment plays on your brain and heart.

Is he coming home? Is this new 'norm' gonna be the norm for the rest of my life? Is he okay, he hasn't emailed in a week? Is he sick, I gave him that big jar of vitamin C I hope he's taking it. Is his mind okay? Is he losing his hope? Is he losing himself to the people around him? Can I possibly fall asleep another night without him? Can I just hear his voice right now, that's all I need in this moment. Does he think about me? Is he worried about the kids? What if he gets used to not being around my weird ways? Is he still gonna like me?

Questions can be overwhelming as they run through your mind. I have to literally stop them and cry out to God to help me get over these moments of complete anguish.  The tears come and they don't stop.

There's never been a moment that I'm dealing with the kids when I just break down and cry because Zach isn't here, but when these negative thoughts come racing through my brain they knock me down. I have to learn that it's okay to think these thoughts,  but also know that I must move past them. With God's help I can be happy in whatever situation I find myself. Even if it's in a moment of despair, I need to thank God that I have something so beautiful in this life on Earth that I'm so afraid to lose it...

Zach will always be my everything.  No matter what, he will always be my everything. 

"Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess. 5 : 18

Trying to take the hard days one at a time.

Ashley

HE Knows

A lot, of people have asked me "How are you?" and you know, right now I'm okay.  I'm used to this part.  I'm used to saying goodbye. I'm used to the heartache of the first few days.  I'm used to finding a new groove without him here. I'm used to all of this. Once we get into this for more than 4 months, that's when I'm going to be finding my way through new territory. This deployment has been looming over our heads for 2 years. Zach's been going in and out to sea the entire time just to get the ship ready to stay out for this long one.  During this time I've had a lot of time to think about it. 

God has helped me through every situation in my life so far and I can always see how He is there helping me and giving me strength to make it.  I have always had one little kink in my faith when it comes to this new adventure in my life though...Jesus knows all our woes because He came to earth and experienced them. We are told this in Hebrews 2:18, "Therefore He had to be made like His brethren in all things, so that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people." But how does He know how I'm feeling? He wasn't married.  He didn't have a 'love of his life', so how does He understand this pain I'm in?  How can He understand what I'm going through if He's never had to long for someone before?

And then it hit me just yesterday after these 2 years of  "this isn't fair" and "no one understands what I'm feeling." Jesus understands exactly what I've been feeling because He had to leave Heaven and come down here to Earth.  He was longing for His home for 33 years and here I am complaining about 9 months...

Don't you think Jesus missed Heaven? Don't you think He longed for the presence of God?  He knew what it was like to be with God Almighty and yet He had to come down here and live a life like us so that we could one day be in the presence of God with Him.  He says in John 14:2, ^"In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." Don't you think He missed those mansions?  Jesus gave up everything  to come down here to save you and me.  I think I can trust Him to get me through anything that this life throws at me.  And I think I can trust that He understands what my longing for Zach feels like, because I'm sure my longing is miniscule in comparison to the longing Christ had for the presence of God while He was down here on Earth. 

No matter what you're going through, no matter how big or how small Jesus understands how you are feeling. And if He understands how you are feeling then He will 100% be able to help you make it through.  Jesus loves you and He proved it not only by dying on a cross for your sins, but by leaving the presence of our Almighty God and longing to be back there with Him for 33 years. 

If something is weighing you down, share it with Jesus.  He will help you carry your load.

Ashley

It's Okay To Be Weak

"It's okay you're strong enough."

I've heard this so many times these last few weeks, but in my mind I think, "that doesn't make me OKAY though. Just because I'm strong doesn't mean I want to be away from the love of my life for nearly a year." But then I think, what if they're wrong though,  what if I'm not strong enough. What if my fears and anxieties take ahold of me and I can control them. What if I get bombarded by the daily routines and just want to run away? What if I can't fall asleep another night without him? And to be completely open I have a big weakness, not something that would happen to a "strong" person. I have panic attacks. They are mild ones but they are still gripping.

I'd never had a panic attack until Zach had been in bootcamp for a bit. He had been there for about three weeks and I hadn't heard a thing from him or how he was doing.  There were so many thoughts and fears racing through my head all the time, but then at times they became silent and I couldn't breathe.

They always came upon me in a crowded place or a place where we would normally have had to find each other. The first one was at Walmart. I was crossing things off my list and then all of a sudden the wind was knocked from my chest and all I could hear was myself whispering, Zach, Zach. Over and over and over again. That's all that I could think. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. After what seemed like forever, I finally found enough strength to cry out to God for Him to help me breathe again. "Please just help me inhale." I literally would have to think about how to do it, because the only thing my mind was thinking was, Zach; over and over and over again.

It took me over 3 months to work through these gripping attacks. There were no warning signs though so it was hard to stop them. Once I was with Zach again in Pensacola they stopped. 

Zach's presence does that for me, it calms me to my very core. When I met Zach I had a huge stonewall built around my heart and he broke those walls down and showed me what true love really is. (It did take him awhile, I mean I did hang up on him the first time he told me he loved me. Haha.) So when he left for the Navy my heart was left wide open without any protection around it. And that's when the attacks started.

When we came to Norfolk and his ship started to go in and out I started to have them again. But this time I know exactly when they'll happen. Every time I drive to the HRBT, the tunnel, I get a perfect view of his ship, but when it's gone all I see is a huge empty spot and it triggers one every.single.time. It's like someone kicks me in the stomach, reminding me he's not here. I feel like I've almost worked through these, but I still get them.

All I can think is, I'm not strong enough for him to be gone so long, but you know what? That's okay, I don't have to be.

"But He says to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast the more gladly about my weaknesses,  so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

God's power is going to be perfect while I'm weak and His grace is going to be sufficient for when I have my weakest moments of panic. His strength is what will get me through this lonely, fearful, sobering time, not my own strength, but His perfected in me.

No matter how strong I am it will never be strong enough to make me WANT to be away from my best half for nearly a year. I'll never be strong enough to WANT to raise our kids on my own for nearly a year. I'll never be strong enough to WANT to sleep alone for so many painful nights.

So for now I'm settling my soul with the knowledge that I'll never be strong enough for this, but with His help and His strength I can make it through this time without my best friend, my partner in crime, my heartbeat.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philipians 4:13

AND

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalms 56:3

That's really all I can do...just trust Him.

Ashley

Two Are Better Than One

Some days are hard, actually some days are excruciating. It's honestly hard to explain to people who don't have a spouse in the military.  Yeah, I know other jobs take you away from each other and I know that everyone has hard days, but it's honestly a pain I have never felt before in my life.  And when  you talk to another military wife about it, they get tears in their eyes because they know. 

When your husband leaves it takes a few days to "get used to not having them again."  These are usually the worst because you're mad, sad, frustrated, scared, exhausted, hopeful, eager, and  depressed all at the exact same time.  You're trying to keep the life you have built together in place with only you in charge of it. You're trying to be so strong so your kids see that everything is going to be okay. After those first few days the emotions finally even out and they just come in waves, but not usually all at the same time.  Then you get used to the routine of your life again and then it hits you...you're okay without them... Then you get that swell of all  the emotions all at once again.

You're mad because how in the world could you be 'okay' without him. You're sad because how could your heart become so calloused. You're frustrated because you don't want to be doing it all alone. You're scared because this might be how it ends up after all, he might not come back. You're exhausted because you've been giving all your extra strength to your kids and holding them as they cry because Daddy's gone.  You're hopeful that they will be coming back to you and you're definitely eager because we could use them back at anytime now. And then you're depressed because you realize you are doing this alone and it's not some time warp, this is your life and a lot of it is passing on without them by your side.

It's so hard to not let these emotions get the best of you.  We all have our moments and we all cry out to God and (I think) we all cry in the shower so our kids don't see us, at least I do.  These moments are so stressful and so heartbreaking and it's in these moments that I think God knew we would need someone there to help us, to hold us and that is why He gave us other military wives.  We all have that one that we can just look at and they'll know and they can hug us and it doesn't bring back our husbands but in that hug we know we are not alone and no one is in a time warp. We are all living this life without our favorite person in the world one slow day at a time. 

I know Ecclesiastes 4:9 is usually quoted for married couples and rightly so, but I think when us military wives are on the home front alone it applies to us too. The NLT states it, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed."

I am thanking God today for those that He has put in my life here in Virginia.  He knew exactly what He was up to.  Together we can help each other succeed in our lives and in our children's lives while the leader of our home is away.  And I hope if you haven't found that one friend that gets you through everything reach out and meet new people so that maybe one of them will be your new helper in this crazy thing we call life. 

Ashley