Some days are hard, actually some days are excruciating. It's honestly hard to explain to people who don't have a spouse in the military. Yeah, I know other jobs take you away from each other and I know that everyone has hard days, but it's honestly a pain I have never felt before in my life. And when you talk to another military wife about it, they get tears in their eyes because they know.
When your husband leaves it takes a few days to "get used to not having them again." These are usually the worst because you're mad, sad, frustrated, scared, exhausted, hopeful, eager, and depressed all at the exact same time. You're trying to keep the life you have built together in place with only you in charge of it. You're trying to be so strong so your kids see that everything is going to be okay. After those first few days the emotions finally even out and they just come in waves, but not usually all at the same time. Then you get used to the routine of your life again and then it hits you...you're okay without them... Then you get that swell of all the emotions all at once again.
You're mad because how in the world could you be 'okay' without him. You're sad because how could your heart become so calloused. You're frustrated because you don't want to be doing it all alone. You're scared because this might be how it ends up after all, he might not come back. You're exhausted because you've been giving all your extra strength to your kids and holding them as they cry because Daddy's gone. You're hopeful that they will be coming back to you and you're definitely eager because we could use them back at anytime now. And then you're depressed because you realize you are doing this alone and it's not some time warp, this is your life and a lot of it is passing on without them by your side.
It's so hard to not let these emotions get the best of you. We all have our moments and we all cry out to God and (I think) we all cry in the shower so our kids don't see us, at least I do. These moments are so stressful and so heartbreaking and it's in these moments that I think God knew we would need someone there to help us, to hold us and that is why He gave us other military wives. We all have that one that we can just look at and they'll know and they can hug us and it doesn't bring back our husbands but in that hug we know we are not alone and no one is in a time warp. We are all living this life without our favorite person in the world one slow day at a time.
I know Ecclesiastes 4:9 is usually quoted for married couples and rightly so, but I think when us military wives are on the home front alone it applies to us too. The NLT states it, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed."
I am thanking God today for those that He has put in my life here in Virginia. He knew exactly what He was up to. Together we can help each other succeed in our lives and in our children's lives while the leader of our home is away. And I hope if you haven't found that one friend that gets you through everything reach out and meet new people so that maybe one of them will be your new helper in this crazy thing we call life.
Ashley
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