There are few things in my life that have actually been life changing. I really don't consider when I got married or when I had kids life changing, because they both felt so natural, like they came easily to me. When I think of something life changing it's something that you have to work at, learn how to deal with it, and try to understand how to go on with this new thing (good or bad) in your life.
When I was younger I was faced with a couple of life changing events. These events caused me to become super independent and I learned to rely only on myself (not always a good thing). When I met Zachary and we began to fall in love, this too was life changing. I had to figure out a way to be less independent, to let my walls come crumbling down. So, in my lifetime I had had only a couple of life changing events, until Zach left for the Navy.
I didn't think this event would be life changing, but boy was I wrong. I had become so dependent on Zach because I had let my walls fall down for him completely(which is a good thing!). Now it felt like I was having to rebuild some of those walls. I had spoken to Zach every single day for the past eight years; when he left for bootcamp there was no contact whatsoever. I never realized just how much Zach telling me he loved me everyday meant. I had taken it for granted, that's for sure. When I wasn't able to hear him say it everyday I started doubting it and wondering if his love for me was changing since everything else was changing for him and I was stuck in our 'old' life. I knew my love for him was growing stronger because I missed him so much. I had to learn to trust that our love was still as vibrant as the day we said goodbye and had our last kiss for awhile.
I had to learn how to coupe with everyday things on my own, whereas for the past four years we had attacked this parent thing together. It's the simple moments that I learned made the biggest difference in each day, because he was there to help. I had to learn to rely on myself again, and to be honest, I hated this part the most.
It took me years to adjust to living life with Zach. I had to learn to let go and rely on him and not be so independent. So when he wasn't here I felt like I was moving backwards. Like I was learning to be independent again. I didn't realize just how much I depended on Zach until he was out of the picture 24/7. I feel like he is literally my heartbeat. He is my everything, and learning to live without him, for now, was gut wrenching.
Now I get to see him and talk to him, and I get to start the process all over again. Learning to not be so independent, again. I feel like I was just getting to a good point with it and now it's time to change again.
I never realized just how difficult this whole military thing is when you have a family and kids. It is literally life changing. So I'm sorry to all my friends who I didn't support enough while your spouses were away from you. I think it's just one of those things in life you'll just never understand unless you've actually been through it. So, please pray for everyone serving in our military and their families back home that are going through life changing moments constantly.
God has given me the strength to go on while Zach has been away, and I want to share that with everyone I can. Sometimes when you have no strength left He blesses you with just enough to make it through.
♥
Ashley
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