Live Like You're Going Home Tomorrow

I'm going home tomorrow. No, I'm not actually traveling anywhere tomorrow, but I will finally be home.

Since the moment Zach and I met home hasn't been a place it's been a person. As long as we're together we're home. When one of us is missing the equation just doesn't add up right. And it hasn't added up right for either of us since the beginning of March, but every day I've been living like homecoming was tomorrow.

Living like I'm going home tomorrow hasn't been easy, in fact it's been rather exhausting. Doing this has made each day of deployment go by a bit faster though. Doing this made me not give up or give in to my anxieties. Doing this helped me to push myself to get the normal things done even though I'm all alone. Doing this helped me realize how blessed I am to have a husband who is my best friend.

The house has stayed clean, the dishes have stayed washed, the clothes have been cleaned but everything is prefect and it still isn't even though he's coming home.  There is still mail on the desk,  there are still projects in the garage that need to be finished, there are still clothes in the laundry baskets, but still I'm ready to go home tomorrow.

As I was thinking about the past 9 months today, I realized that my living like homecoming is tomorrow parallels with my relationship with God and my eagerness to go to my ultimate home Heaven.

I need to live every day like I'm going home to heaven tomorrow.  How much more good would I do? How many more people would I talk to about Christ? How many more dollars would I give to the poor?  How excited would I be every day if I knew I would be in Heaven the next day?

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelations 21:4

Doesn't that sound amazing?! No more pain, no more crying, no more death. I want to be there so badly and I can't wait to see God face to face. I have felt Him all around me throughout this deployment and there's no way I would have made it if He wasn't there pushing me forward when I needed a nudge.

So, I just ask you, what if you were going home tomorrow?  Are you ready? Is your house in order? Have you been living for Him? Have you been shining your light so that others can see their way in the darkness? Are you living for today and not for 10 years down the road.

Enjoy where you are right now, right here in each and every day. Don't wait to be happy tomorrow. Don't wait to do good for others. Live like tomorrow you will be going home and you will always make it through the day, even if there's some dishes still in the kitchen sink. That's what God's grace is for.

Ashley

Best Day Yet

Oh, today was good, today was great, today was outstanding. 

Nothing huge happened in MY life, but something happened today that my neighbor has been yearning for since the day her husband deployed with Zach's ship; her husband came home. Unharmed, all in one piece, and so very happy to be with her again. I know for a fact that this was the best day she's had so far this year. I know this because it was the best day I've had this year too.

For the last 8 months we've been dealing with the same emotions,  the same worries, the same complications,  the same 'workload' (3 kids), the same anger, the same frustrations,  the same tiredness; but today, today she was set free from all of those things that have been weighing us down this year.

Some might say, aren't you jealous? Don't you want your husband back right now too? And the answer to those questions are no and yes.

It seems like the humanly thing to do is to feel jealous,  but I don't.  I even thought I might when I saw him for the first time, but quite the opposite happened.

I heard her car pull up and I knew she'd been at the airport so I peeked out and there he was getting out of the car. I literally had to sit down because I was so overcome with happiness and relief that he was okay and he was home with her finally after all her sleepless nights. I sat down and started crying, but it wasn't a sad cry it was a relieving cry, a joyous cry. It was like a little ray of sunshine that I haven't seen in 8 months suddenly burst through. My soul literally felt like it got dusted off and I felt happier instantly.

And then later when I was out raking the yard I could hear his little girls screeching with joy, "Daddy!" Oh, it made me smile each time. The joy in their voices was just so amazing and you could just hear how much they love him and how much they have missed him and how excited they were for him to just be in their backyard again. And I thought, "you know this sounds like why I have a rejoicing heart today."

When Zach left I cried out to my Father, I told Him that I knew I couldn't do this on my own. And I rejoiced that I had a Father in my backyard to cry out to. It was me and Him and I knew we could do anything.

Putting my complete 100% trust in God was the best thing I've ever done. I would have never made it this far without Zach, without Him. And because of my trust in Him, He allows me to have joy for others when it seems humanly acceptable to be jealous. God has softened my heart and given me joy daily throughout this year. Through His love and comfort I can rejoice with those who rejoice.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him." Psalm 28:7

My heart greatly rejoiceth not just for myself but for those I love around me. God can set you free from the humanly "normals" that everyone expects. He can give you joy that you yourself don't even understand. Reach out to Him and He will give you a rejoicing heart. Surrender to His will and know the peace that only He can give.

Today was the best day yet and I can't wait for many more joy-filled days this year.

Ashley

P.S.- She does not know that I was 'spying' on her when they pulled up, BUT she is one of my bestest friends so I'm sure she wouldn't mind. 😂😂 :)

School Time Blues

We all have our Facebooks and Instagrams covered with back to school pictures of our friends and family and I love it.  I love seeing the kids excited faces and their eagerness to learn new things.  As a teacher I know this doesn't last all school year but at the beginning of the year the kids are always excited for new adventures.  With all the happiness I see in all these pictures it also brings up fears in my mind.  Am I doing the right thing?

 Some of the pictures are public school pictures, some private school pictures with their cute uniforms, or homeschool pictures.  This is my 3rd year having to make the final decision for my children on what is next for them in their education and it's scary. 

The first year it was an easy decision; send Adasen to all day preschool, nope.  The next year was the hardest.  Should I send Adasen to school or homeschool him?  And we ended up with public schooling, which I loved that decision for last year (although I was a MESS the first week).  And then we have this year, I've decided to keep him in public school because he really loves it. 

When I first saw the school pictures for this year, my mind started racing again.  "I haven't made the right decision."  "I'm not doing the best thing for him."  "I would love to have him home and teach him."  So many different emotions go through  my head and so many doubts.  But I've finally calmed myself down and talked myself through it and I just wanted to share a few of my thoughts to help other parents who might be feeling overwhelmed by if they are doing the right thing or not.

1. It's the best thing. Whatever you choose is going to be the best thing.  As a parent I don't sit back and let my decision run my life.  I can always decide to change my mind and come to a different conclusion.  If what I choose in the beginning is not working then I will change the environment that he is in.  And no matter what the situation we will always make the best of it.

2. I turned out fine.  I know that sounds cliché, but it's the truth for me.  I went to public school growing up and I'm so glad that my mom didn't choose something else for my life.  I loved going to school and meeting all the people I did.  Some of my favorite memories are from school times. 

3. He will learn.  No matter where Adasen is he will learn.  You know why, because I will make sure that he does.  And if he's not flourishing then I will change his surroundings.

4. He will thrive.  One of the things that I hope to instill in my kids is that you can bloom where you're planted. You can be the best you no matter what the circumstance.  If you want to be better then do better.  My kids know that they have to be actively trying to thrive not just sitting back and let bad things happen.  Adasen will learn new ways to get by on his own and he will learn how to thrive in any situation.

5. He will still learn about God. No matter what God is the center of our lives and there is nothing that could ever change that.  Our home will never change because I send him out into the world.  Our home will always be centered around Christ.  We will still sing together, we will still read together, and I will keep living my life for God and Adasen will see my example.

Let's all stop shaming each other.  Let's stop talking badly about others decisions about their families. Stop assuming the worst about people and assume the best.  Once we all do this together and decide we are all together in raising up a new generation then we will all stop second guessing our decisions and just go with it.   Raise your kids your way and roll with it, but never be unwilling to change your decisions.

Ashley

Rocking Deployment Because of My Rock

People often say that they don't know how I do it. Ya know the, taking care of my kids without going crazy while my hubby's away for 9 months thing, a lot of people are amazed because of me. But you know what? It's not me. I'm not doing it. I'm not the one carrying the load.

I was reading Acts the other night and in chapter 4 I thought Peter's defense for his miraculous actions was a perfect explanation for my actions.

"Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, “Rulers of the people and elders of Israel: If we this day are judged for a good deed done to a helpless man, by what means he has been made well, let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, by Him this man stands here before you whole. This is the ‘stone which was rejected by you builders, which has become the chief cornerstone. Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”  Acts 4:8-12

Peter was defending the healing of a lame man, but I think all of us can take this defense and have it as our explanation to people on how we make it through hard circumstances in our lives. So, here's my defense on how I'm still sane after not having my husband for a long while...

"Let it be known to you all that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth whom God raised from the dead, by Him and Him alone I am making it through deployment. HE is the only reason I can still smile when I wake up in the morning. HE is the only reason I haven't  gone crazy not having my normal circumstances around me. HE will get me through the rest of this year and HE will quiet my soul in my times of stress and anxiety."

Ashley

June Bible Study Day 12

This is our last day and let me just say I've looked forward to the little break from life when I tell my kids, "hold on I'm doing my Bible study." I usually do Bible reading after they go to bed, but I loved how they respected this time each day and maybe they will remember my example when they are older.

Today was, "Give Thanks In Waiting." The scriptures were Romans 8:19-25 and Colossians 3:15-17.  I think verse 17 of Colossians 3 is a great summary of this entire series of lessons. "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."  No matter what our circumstance is at the present time we need to learn to be thankful for each moment that we have.

Giving thanks in waiting is hard, at least for me during this season in my life. My other half and partner in crime is gone and I cannot wait for him to be back home with us sharing in everything that goes on in our family.  I want this time to fly by, but at the same time I don't.  I don't want my babies to be that much older and to have passed so many milestones. I feel like I'm wishing their lives away. I'm learning each day how to find the small things all around me to be thankful for. The small coincidences that add up to a big help, the things I remember just in time before it's too late.  I keep finding some blessings in each and every day. Am I thankful for my husband being away? No. But I can find things that happen each day that I am grateful for? Yes.

Look around and take note of all the things you have to be thankful for. If it doesn't overwhelm you then I suggest you make a list and see the mighty power of God working in your life.

Thank you for all who participated in this study. You all have encouraged me daily, thank you for that.

Much Love,
Ashley

June Bible Study Day 11

Hey All,

Today the study was entitled "Give Thanks In Wandering."  The readings were 2 Chronicles 15:1-4, Jeremiah 29:10-14, Mark 9:24, and Proverbs 25:2.  Mark 9:24 is one of my all time favorite verses.  "Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, 'I believe, help my unbelief!'"  How many times I have said this to God.  I do believe Him, but sometimes I just don't know the whole scope of His capabilities so I don't have enough belief.  I need the creator of everythings help to understand.  I will never understand God completely and that is okay as long as I keep asking Him to help my unbelief.

I also liked verse 2 in 2 Chronicles 15 where it says, "If you seek Him, He will be found by you." As long as we are actively seeking Him, we will find the answers to what we need.  We will know enough to make the right decisions and He will be right there with us.  Like I have said in other posts about this study, we have to be active in our faith and active in being thankful.

My favorite thing the author said today was, "For although we may feel lost, we know He never loses us."  God knows where we are and how we can make it through, so who better to turn to then our ultimate navigator.  He will help us get back to on the road that leads to Him.

What were your thoughts today?

Much Love,
Ashley 

June Bible Study Day 10

Hey all!

Today's study was entitled "Give Thanks In Want". The readings were from Habakkuk 3:17-19, Romans 8: 35-39, 2 Corinthians 4: 7-18. 

I enjoyed reading this one because this is what I have been focusing on doing daily since Zach left. I have been trying to give thanks for my blessings during this time while I'm wanting him to be with me so badly.

For me it's been easiest to look around at others and see how they have it worse. Someone will always have it worse, you just have to look around enough and open your heart to others.  My 'others' are all the women who loose their husbands. Some spouses don't have the hope any longer of seeing their husbands again when they return from deployment.  I also think about the wives whose husband's have violated their marriage while they've been away. They will never have the bond they did before deployment again. This is such a hard road that we're on, but there are still others who have it worse. After you've found someone that has it worse, pray for them.

I've always loved Romans 8: 35-39, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Nothing that could ever happen to us can ever separate us from the love God.

Much Love,
Ashley