Heartache

Amy Frost. That name will be in my memory for a very long time, if not for the rest of my life. I have prayed constantly for her over the last three days, and I don't even know her. I know 'of' her through Instagram.

I'm friends with a lot of 'milsos', as we're called (military significant others), on Instagram and I saw her story on Tuesday morning. There had been an accident where her boyfriend was training with the Marines and she hadn't heard if he was safe. It turns out that he wasn't. He was one of the soldiers who died in the accident, David Fenn II.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much this broke my heart. She had been putting pictures up over the past weeks saying how many days were left until she would be able to see him, hold him. I did the exact same thing while Zach was away from me.

This is the first time, since Zach joined the military, that I came face to face with my biggest fear. I've never spoken it or really even thought it out-loud; I could lose Zach.

You see, Amy did the same thing I did and will do... Count down the days while her man did his duty, and she waited. That's all we can do, wait. There's nothing we can do to protect them; there's nothing we can do to insure that they make it back to us. We are completely helpless in that regard, and that is terrifying. Unbelievably, terrifying. I, honestly, don't know how anyone can get through these thoughts and gut wrenching moments without God.

Without God I honestly think I would have turned to something else. The nights when I couldn't bare the distance or the silence anymore. I'm sure there's something that would have numbed my pain for that moment.

I am so grateful that I already had a relationship with God, because He was my strength in those moments. He didn't numb the pain, He simply held me and allowed me to keep breathing, until the fear and anxiety had passed. That's really all I could ask for in those moments, just for Him to allow me to catch my breath.

God is the only thing in this world that is constant. He will never change. Everything else in our lives can change in just a brief moment, as Amy has experienced this week. She is experiencing one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, change that this life could throw at us; the loss of half of you.

Amy, I hope you can feel God's arms around you. He won't numb the pain that you're feeling, but He will hold you and allow you to catch your breath when you feel like you can't. He will sustain you through your pain. Please know that you are on my heart and in my prayers. You were my first brush with fear in this whole military thing. You've made me realize that no one is guaranteed anything, but God will be with me, as He is with you, through every single curve ball.

I hope that everyone can see how much they need something constant in their lives, something that never changes. I hope that anyone dealing with pain will come to the realization that God will always be there for them no matter what. He will not take the pain and heartache away, but He will sustain you through the tears and the long nights. He will be right by your side.

♥ Ashley